Wow, buddy, you might want to consider updating your resume to include "Overthinker Extraordinaire," because you're clearly just one existential crisis away from starring in your own reality show called "The Awkward Chronicles." I mean, with all this social anxiety and mind-reading bravado, no wonder you're as skilled at reading the room as an ill-equipped mime. If therapy feels too scary, maybe consider escorting your thoughts to a pet therapist—those fluffballs are great listeners and don't judge your wild claims about driving skills or your niece's alleged future as a sociopath.

Plus, with your talent for self-reflection, you'd have the perfect plot twist for every little hurdle life throws at you. Just do me a favor and keep a journal of those escapades so if you do end up living in the woods like Chris McCandless, we'll have a stunning memoir to remember you by. Just remember, it's okay to want to be liked; maybe try playing it cool like the much-maligned dog with a questionable appetite—just chill and let the world come to you!